Absolute insanity
by Zipzapperdoodles
Summary: We will have some fun with Maura Isles & Jane Rizzoli... slightly AU 3-shot!
1. Chapter 1

"Jane! Ja-a-ane...don't run so fast!" Maura couldn't keep up with her rapidly running best friend Jane. "Ja-a-ne!" Maura tried to her best friend ears, but it was no use, for the cats her pussy, nothing! "DAMNED!" Maura scolded, very uncharacteristic and loud.

"Lovers quarrel?" The ill-considered comment escaped Senior criminologist Susie Chang's' throat before she could stop herself. She turned pale and her eyes went round and big as Dolly Parton's tits as she thought about the possible consequences regarding her temerariously deed, 'Oh oh' Susie started to sweat profusely and thought, 'My boss's wrath will hit me like a flash of lightning and the Gods of revenge will turn me into pile of ash. I'm doomed!'

Maura squinted one eye as she looked at her employee, "Senior criminologist Chang," Maura said sweetly. Susie shook now. Maura noticed it but continued her ranting without mercy for poor Susie Chang, "why Jane is running I know, but what has hit your head so hard that you believe that you have the right to make such an improper remark. Who gave you permission to ask me if Jane and I had a lovers quarrel... Well?"

"Uhuh.." was all Susie could utter. She looked down at her feet and then timidly into Maura's eyes again and waited...

"I thought so... " Maura said satisfactorily and immediately focused her attention back to where Jane had disappeared. " Fuck! " she murmured, "Me and my big mouth!"

Maura had the appearance of a drowned poodle now. Susie Chang who had never seen her boss so defeated grabbed all the courage she had left together and asked shyly, "Can I help you, Dr. isles!?"

"Well, you did help me enough with all the crotch-blocking you did over the years. I thought that I finally made some progress to get into..." Just at that moment Maura realized that she better could keep her mouth shut before some very impropriety thoughts would free themselves out into the open.

Somehow she never had any filter regarding sprouting facts, and regarding her very personal life. So without saying another word she saved herself from an embarrassing situation by walking into the precinct of the Boston Police Department without saying another word. She would evaluate what just had occurred in the privacy of her own office.


	2. Chapter 2

Flashback to the inevitable

"Dammit and fuck the duck, he is as guilty as my ass is guilty of shitting, Paul!" a very angry Jane Rizzoli scolded towards her colleague Detective Paul Scooter.

"But we have no proof of that, Jane." Jane's other colleague, the very annoyed Detective Paul Walter Lee Bretshaw told her while nervously looking for a possible escape from Jane's wrath or as everybody in the precinct called it Jane's 'Inner Gorilla'...

Jane's perfect Gorilla imitation was well-known and feared in the precinct by everyone who knew the hotheaded Italian. Whenever Jane was in a raging mood you better sought a quick escape, like to the North pole or Jupiter, or wherever, but as said, you ran far, far away from away from her presence!

So Jane wildly waltzed through the room now, eyes rolling, arms flying, face in different states of raging anger (That woman has more moves in her face than we all have in our bodyparts...) And while our extremely hot boiled Italian Detective did her wild gorilla performance in a room filled with helpless colleagues who more or less successfully did as if they were otherwise engaged, tornado Jane continued her ranting and shouting...

"If YOU had let me do this interrogation, I had MADE him talk, I would have RIPPED HIS HEAD OFF WITH THE BLESSINGS OF THE HOLY POPE HIMSELF, THAT SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!."

They all were more than happy when Maura Isles Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and Jane's best friend and very not-so-secret-to-everyone-in-the-precinct love-interest walked into the room full of stressed Detectives...

The Medical Examiner's Manolo Blahnik high heels made their familiar tick-clack-tap tick-clack- sound on the hard wooden floor of the room full of red-ear-colored Detectives. The beautiful, seemly irritated Doctor and owner of said shoes and shouted just one word right at of the top of her longs, one word that luckily was enough because it suddenly was very quiet in the room and at least six pairs of curious eyes were looking at Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts now.

Everyone was quite impressed but most impressive was that our overcooked hot-blooded Italian went quiet as a mouse in a room full of cats...

"JANE!"

Maura blushed like a bush-fire because all of the sudden all attention was solely directed at her!

"Well Jane", she told her best friend Jane Rizzoli the raging Detective with the swagger and the dirty mouth, in her sweetest voice. "You better come with me, for a coffee, a Donut, pancakes or whatever."

At this point you could hear a feather land on the hard wooden floor of the precinct...

The second Jane heard her best friend's voice she came to a halt and made a turn around on her heels to face the music that was Maura (So probably a kind of 'Il trovatore - the last act' ), "But Maura!" Jane whined unsuccessfully.

Maura raised one of her well-groomed brows at Jane.

Jane's shoulders dropped a few inches, but she was still not defeated.

Maura looked and stared at Jane.

Jane's eyes became unfocused now. She daren't to roll her dark orbs. 'Oh jeez, that woman has temperamento di' Diavolo, I better not provoke her too much... Or better do as told... Fear the Maura!' Jane suppressed a grin at her own choice of words, luckily for her, with success.

Maura said, "Ahemmmm..." and pointed with her finger at the open door to the hallway and said quietly and deliberately slow, and certainly not meant as an invitation, to gorilla-turned-mouse Jane Rizzoli, "No-o-ow, Jane..."

It wasn't that Maura started to tap one of her expensive high heeled shoes like the devil played his violin, that did the trick, it was more the whole package of Domina vibes she did send to the amorous Detective. And oh how Jane liked (and feared) that dominating attitude that she could smell in Maura's pores every time the Doctor was near her and went all General Isles on her!

And so the end of the song was (Yeah, the song of defeat...)that Jane's heart made those crazy loud beats again, while her brain turned into a 'mushy washy' potato mash... So Jane followed Maura like a lamb followed her mother and the remaining Detective's in the room almost applauded at the sexy Medical Examiner, well almost because 'the beast' would come back later after all and could eat them all alive, and nobody would take that risk!


	3. Chapter 3

Maura took Jane Rizzoli indeed to a small cafe and wined and dined her beloved wild maned Detective, before taking her to her noble home for a more serious talk about Jane's unrefined and rude behavior and a possible solution to solve the Detective's foul mood and of course -when the opportunity occurred- drag her (or knowing Jane: softly coax her) into her soft and inviting bed with satin sheets.

Maura Isles may be a bit awkward at times, but she knew how to tame and/or soothe her wild-hearted Italian stallion Jane Rizzoli. Many years of studying her beloved Detective had made her a pro with a master-degree in a wild-loud Jane! And let's be honest here..the way Jane acted the past days was more than questionable, even for Jane! Some of her colleagues had curved backs from crawling deeply to keep under Jane's anger-filled radar, so Maura had to interfere because enough is enough, n'est pas?

Maura was determent to solve 'this problem' at once and go to the core of it..literally! A little intercourse would surely soften the strong-headed and overheated Detective..everybody in the precinct would be silently thanking her for it, Maura was sure of it!

But first of all she needed a plan de campagne of how should she should progress when she had her love-interest in her noble home!

'Hmm, well first take the muttering Detective with the foul mood to your home of course (check!) and then make her feel comfortable and cozy and then talk and the-e-e-en... STRIKE! ' Maura thought satisfactory... Oh, she couldn't wait!

..

After arriving at Maura's half a million dollar mansion they first took a seat on the couch, Jane with a Dos Equis Lager Especial and Maura with a Sextant Cabernet Sauvignon Paso Robles.

A short while later Maura Isles made a move, (well not that kind of move, but she was getting there any minute now...) to get to the bottom of Jane's bad demeanor of the past days.

Maura was patient...she waited and sipped her red wine, waited and sipped, waited and sipped while Jane looked around as if she saw Maura's living-room for the first time.

Noticing she was getting no attention from the stubborn Detective, Maura began to tap her glass, that was half empty now (half full for the optimist amongst mankind), and her eyes held a steady glare at Jane's beautiful face.

'If she doesn't look at me in one minute, I 'm gonna kiss her and then I will get my attention' Maura thought. Images of Jane in various states of undressing went through Maura's amorous filled (or bluntly said: She was horny! ) brain. Maura filled her wine-glass for the second time with wine, silently hoping and praying her plan would work out.

..

But like all not so good plans, the outcome of Maura's hope-filled plan didn't go as Maura had hoped it would go... Jane drank and drank ( And so did Maura, although not as much as Jane) until she couldn't stand on her own feet, scolded at everything and everybody, told Maura 'she needed a good screw and that was it', and then petite Maura had to drag the detective into her private bedroom..into her cozy bed with the nice satin sheets, and badass Jane Rizzoli snored the whole night, keeping Maura awake until the creaking of the early morning.

That wasn't the way Maura had hoped to get the stubborn Detective into her nice, big bed... NOW Maura was really pissed! Yes, Good, old, solid loveable Maura was fuming. She even left her house without Jane!

The pissed off Medical examiner was so angry that she ignored a red light AND got a speeding ticket in her mailbox a week later! Could it get any worse?

..

Hours later Jane visited Maura, who was still not her formidable and loveable self, down in the morgue. Still having a hang-over, dark sunglasses, and a feeling of regret and ready-to-puke-her-brains-out made her very small and as she entered the morgue.

Normally Jane would avoid the morgue like the Bubonic Plague after she infuriated the petite Medical Examiner, but her lieutenant Sean Cavanaugh did send her with the instruction that (And it's a quote here ) * Whatever the fuck you've done again to our Chief Medical examiner, you better fix it quick Rizzoli or I personally will detach you to the traffic department so you can write tickets until your fingers fall off. Understood!*

Message received loud and clear and not in the mood to battle a battle she would certainly lose, little poor Detective-not-so-badass-now Jane Rizzoli stood...a bit shaky on her long sexy legs, in eye-side of Maura Isles who was solid as a rock angry at her and not in the mood for stupid games!

"Hi, Maura..." Jane's husky voice sounded like a shadow of her usual voice but nonetheless reached the Medical Examiner's sexy ears.

Of course Maura had heard Jane coming but choose to ignore her, giving her assistant Senior criminologist Chang Susie Chang a look that suggested that Jane's appearance at this moment was not appreciated.

Susie, always the bright one (and so brave), and a big admirer of her hero Doctor Isles got the hint, turned around and said to Jane, "Sorry Detective, but we are in a very complicated procedure right now, could you come back in an hour..."

Like I said, Susie would do anything for Isles, but Jane was a badass and Susie Chang had far to much respect for Jane's swaggery badass demeanor.

Jane raised her sunglasses slightly so that her puffy eyes were visible and rolled her red-rimmed eyes at Susie's suggestion. For the full effect Jane raised one of her devilish looking eyebrows and rasped, "I don't think so!".

Oh yes, Jane (even in a state of a tremendous hang-over) was a much too good Detective to not see through the big fat lie Chang dished on Maura's behalf!

When Susie saw the dark clouds of Jane's Damocles sword hanging above her head she cleared the field without any delay and let fate do his thing. 'I like my head far too much on my shoulders then to fight with the beast...thank you very much!' she thought and walked towards her computer as if she had burned her ass on a stove.

Susie, now on her computer, acted as if she had something very important to do. In fact she didn't have anything important to do, so she went to her tumblr blog for a good look on nice little kittens. This was less dangerous for her health and it kept her alive...for the moment... Sigh!

Jane the badass Detective approached in the meantime Susie's boss and hero Maura Isles like a cat hunting for her prey. If one thing Jane learned from her early days on the force was that attack is always the best defense, so she went from there...

..

Jane made one step towards Maura... Maura ignored Jane... Jane came a little bit closer, a wicked smile on her face... Maura still ignored her... Jane stood right behind Maura, removed her sunglasses and almost panted in her neck.

'I'm coming for you, my little Medical examiner!' Jane thought possessively.

Maura felt like a little canary right now and she started to sweat like a cow in heat trying desperately to keep her composure. 'Still angry, go away you ugly beast, you're invading my space' the red-faced Medical examiner thought and started to hyperventilate. Gone was what was left of the great collected first lady of the morgue... La grande dame de la morgue..au revoir!

Jane the cat almost bent her whole upper-body over Maura 'the canary', "It's so-o-o ho-o-ot in he-ere, ri-ight Maur'?" she said deliberately slow and sounded quite amused.

Jane's husky voice and the feeling of being in the Hunger Games, made Maura take a step to the side to regain her freedom and her breath, but most of all her sanity... 'Breathe Isles, let big bad Jane not win this one. You're in your right Isles...so in your right this time'

Maura dapper turned around and looked straight at Jane, whom's eyes shone with mirth. "Oh, my..." slowly came out of the Medical examiner's pink-colored mouth. Her whole body reacted to Jane's demeanor of undefeated conquer of this Rizzoli-Isles war that was going on right at that moment.

"Wetting your pants, my little Mau-aurrrr'?" Jane asked teasingly, and although Jane meant it as from fear and Maura had indeed wet her underwear...

The result from the build up sexual pressure because of their countless flirting laid hidden from Jane's prying eyes in her expensive lacy underwear. Maura had just one resolution that could keep her from humiliation herself before the eyes of her chief assistant Susie Chang and her best friend Jane... She discharged herself from her lab-coat with a swing and a wush and ran like she had a tail that was on fire out of her office, leaving a bewildered bunch of people behind.

Jane's eyes fell almost out of their sockets and her mouth went O-shape like she wanted to catch a tarantula.

Susie Chang had turned herself around just a bit after Maura's exclamation to look where the fire was, now looked like she saw it all but didn't get it nonetheless. Poor little thing!

..

So Maura ran like a crazy mad her way to the elevator, at least three officers and a lab tech thought that Maura had lost it ...her sanity, because the Medical examiner's murmured and shook her head while passing them like her ass was on fire.

Downstairs in the hallway of the precinct, at least six people saw the running woman on her stiletto's with her hair, now looking like a mess, disappear through one of the doors that came out in the street before the precinct...

..

Meanwhile, Jane didn't want to be left out of some fun moments and ran like a flash of lightning behind the rapidly disappearing Maura Isles. 'Damn, that woman should be joining the Olympic team!' the speeding Detective thought to herself.

Just not in time..well the heck, Maura disappeared into the elevator and she was gone, leaving a disheveled Jane behind.

A heartfelt "Fuck!" escaped Jane's throat. Knowing she would have more chance to catch her running best friend if she wouldn't wait for the elevator, she decided to follow 'Speedy Maura Gonzales' by taking the stairs. 'The things I do for this woman!' Jane thought as she ran down the stairs and after her best friend for life and, so it looked like to all others, lesbian lover.

..

After a good run, while losing her sunglasses while doing so, the detective finally caught the distressed Medical Examiner, dressed in her sexy blue dress, a three minutes run from the precinct, out of breath okay, but still in good- and sexy shape. Maura's hair that always looked as freshly made by some expansive coiffeur looked a little bit like a rag doll's wig, but fine, whom's hair wouldn't look like that after a fast run into the unknown!?

And so Jane talked to the poor thing and talked more and after a while she sweet-talked the poor petite Medical examiner into going with Jane; back to the place of the 'crime'...the morgue!

Standing before the stairs that lead back into the building Maura suddenly stopped walking and turned towards Jane, and oh Lord she didn't think, she didn't overthink, she just blabbered freestyle what was on her mind. Oh, baby Jesus!

"Jane," she said determinedly, "let me tell you this!" One big gulp of the fresh Boston evening air and then...

"The few last days you are on the edge, moody and sometimes..no correction..mostly rude! 'You cruel little sexy mama' the Medical examiner thought, fueled with a still burning sexual desire to take the sexy bad-ass detective now and her, right before the precinct.

She continued her rant and punctuating the words now, in her state of being completely overwhelmed by the whole situation and her burning arousal... "I. Have. Had. Enough."

Jane the cat blinked in surprise with her beautiful dark brown eyes and looked bewildered at her best petite friend. 'I lo-ve it when she goes all bossy..' Jane thought and her libido started to build a tower that if not being controlled would end up into the dark sky of Boston.

Maura continued unfazed by her friend's bewildered look, "YOU - my friend, need sexual intercourse, and I am going to provide it to you!"

So the words were out in the open. loud and clear and very very very, well very super-clear received by the swaggering bad-ass Detective, who crumbled from a cat into a poodle in no time...

Jane looked with her dark and sexy eyes wide open at her petite LLBFF... Swayed lightly and turned around and ran away as fast as the wind.

And that was the moment as already told ...

Maura ran after the Detective "Jane! Ja-a-ane...don't run so fast!" - "Ja-a-ne!", and almost ran into her assistant Senior criminologist Susie Chang. "DAMNED!" Maura, very uncharacteristic and loud scolded.

The story came perfectly together when, after Maura told assistant Senior criminologist Susie Chang off, and poor assistant Senior criminologist Susie Chang went inside the precinct to save her life -and sanity.

..

So there she stood, poor little Maura, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts until...

A loud whistle reached her ears. Maura turned around and saw Jane, in her car, looking very bad-assery.

Jane impatiently called out to her, loud enough for the whole building to hear... "You're comin' Maur'... I can't wait for that intercourse thing!"

Finito


End file.
